Being a selfish woman may sound superficial, maybe a little like you’re bragging, but you’ve been through one hell of a year. You’ve started to tick off some of those New Year resolutions. Perhaps you’ve already had a career change, moved home, been through a break up, met someone new, had a baby – It’s now time to make 2019 count.
When putting your life together, the most overlooked point is to be ‘selfish’ - or in nicer words, to think of ‘you’ first. Not in a mean way though; in a useful way that you can build on yourself and your life wishes by putting your priorities first, and therefore taking care of yourself first. Life happens and before you know it, you haven’t achieved half of what you wanted to. Why? Because whilst you were being “great” for others, you may have forgotten to take proper care of yourself. And I am not talking about putting your makeup on to feel great in the office (which still is an action taken for others’ visual pleasure no matter how much you claim to do it for yourself). I am talking about being mindful of what you really want and how you choose and value yourself first.
We all need a breather on an ongoing basis, and not just one time girls Spa weekend or a general pamper sesh (though admittedly we love a bit of TLC whilst watching Netflix). A real ‘be selfish’ motto is about all things that make you move forward, make you feel happier about yourself and relieve you from regrets, doubts, blames, pressures. Essentially, you close your receptors to the external world in order to open up to your inner world so that you can finally hear what your heart, your brain and your body are telling you to act upon your wishes first. Deciding to change your job for the career you’ve longed for – and not giving a stuff about what your boss or your friends or your family may think, going to your favorite breakfast place alone to write down your future plans or read your favorite magazine, dipping yourself in a bubble bath with a glass of wine (and without your phone) to review how you have been feeling about anything. Ask yourself honestly: Do you really care about yourself enough?
Your answer may be an half-ass ‘yeah’, but if you are reading this article now, the true answer is ‘no’. And it’s ok. You are not alone! The fact is we are so afraid of appearing selfish in a negative light, mean, superficial. In reality, we are all hungry to find ‘ourselves’. Spending time with yourself and for yourself does not make you selfish but self-realized and powerful. Thinking about yourself is almost taboo, because we are in a world where we are constantly nagged by social media to think of others, whether it’s in an enviable way or through a lack of self-worth. The fact is, it’s your life, and no one else determines what happens in that - so don’t be trapped in other people’s (assumed) expectations from you; instead set your boundaries to start off everything with ‘you’.
Another thing we’re afraid of by taking time out for us is losing control of those things we’re juggling. We’re control freaks – sure we probably don’t want to admit it, but trust me, there is one in all of us. There just comes a moment where we have to realize we can’t fix everything, and not every attempt at something will be successful, so we shouldn’t beat ourselves up about it. Taking time out for yourself isn’t even losing control, it’s taking a break and coming back to your plans with a stronger, more inspired mind. Booking yourself an appointment at the spa, sharing what you think in a meeting room or treating yourself to a drink isn’t going to damage your career, make you look unwanted or stop you from getting your dream home. On the contrary, it will give you more confidence to get closer to your dream life. Remember in the movies - the girl who initially is so unhappy and just fulfilling everybody’s expectations, but as soon as she breaks her leash, she is turning to a power queen and eventually finding the better suiting ‘thing’ for her life. That confidence shower doesn’t happen only in the movies. So what is really stopping you to treat your needs first?
Just say no, a powerful word admittedly, but if something is overwhelming you, making you stressed or you can’t just fit it into your hectic life, say no gracefully. The person opposite you may be surprised, maybe agitated, but they will eventually appreciate the fact that you are honest and you act upon what is best for you. This is the only way you can be a self-fulfilling partner, mother, boss, colleague, friend.. Just like in airplanes, the staff suggest to put an oxygen mask on yourself first before helping others. So in order to help your loved ones and be great for them, you need to help yourself first.
What are you waiting for to enjoy saying no, to allocate your ‘me’ time and to connect with yourself better this year? There is nothing more fulfilling in life than spending time to concentrate on the power that you have already, with no fears or regrets. Because you do know that you are a powerful woman.